As new year 2004 approached, I looked forward. I was ready to leave behind my misery and depression from the previous year and start again. I had just opened up my personality and had already begun my transition into becoming a social person. I was going live in Silicon Valley and learn firsthand of the world of opportunities.

As new year 2005 approached, I looked forward. I was winning poker tournaments and I was on track to finish school forever. I was ready to begin my life, post-school.

As new year 2006 approached, I looked forward. I was on the verge of so much change and opportunity. I would begin to define my life, my dreams and fully become independent and responsible. Anticipation consumed me.

As new year 2007 approaches, I look backward. Everything that I had built toward and wanted, I was given. The best year of my life has just passed. As I try to clutch them harder and harder in my hands, the memories simply slip through my fingers faster and faster like sand. And the blind optimism for tomorrow that kept me safe for years now falters.

can't seem to hold you like I want to
so i can feel you in my arms
nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled too many false alarms

we're going down
and you can see it too
we're going down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burning room
- john mayer